I'm A Nurse

Todd and I finished school. It was wonderful! I am proud that I (finally) have a bachelors degree. I am so glad that I decided to go back and get it. Also I am glad that Todd accomplished it as well! It feels like something in our life is complete. But it has also left a little something new lacking. I feel a bit guilty about feeling this way. But I have worked hard in school and at work becoming an experienced nurse. I think that I do a good job. The whole thing fell into my life unexpectedly and considering the complete absence of forethought before making the decision to go to nursing school, it seems like some sort of fate or destiny. Nursing is the only thing in life I truly think I am really good at.

My old floor got a new manager. It seemed like really good timing and the perfect opportunity to get back into a little bit of work. I contacted him and he sounded really optimistic that I would be able to work once or twice a month. Ideal. That is little enough that I could spend most of my time with my family without feeling guilty for leaving them. Wouldn't that be awesome? An adult day for mommy! It would keep me sane, keep me up to date in the nursing world, and keep my focus on Lila. In the end it didn't work out though. Now that school is over, it's the first time in my life I have been a true, 100% stay at home mom. Since we went out of town the day after finals I haven't truly had a chance to try it out yet.

I think I will love it. I think I will adore it. I think it will be great to give all my attention to my precious baby girl. But I also don't want to forget that I am a nurse! I wonder if I am sounding a little whiny. Someone who has to work to help support their family would probably read this and want to poke my eyes out for being pouty that I get to stay home with my kid. Maybe I have fallen prey to the idea that women can have it all. But all I want is once a month.

Some moms like to go see movies with their friends or get manicures or have girls night out to have their "me" time. I just want mine to be a little bit of nursing. It is something I love and I don't want to lose. I feel like a good person when I am able to help others. I am proud when I tell people that I am a nurse. But it is a little less exciting when they ask where I work and the answer is that I don't. It wouldn't be such a problem if there weren't so many dang nurses! No one wants to hire someone and pay for their ongoing education/training to have them work so little when they have hundreds of applicants for each full or part-time job. Maybe in the future when the economy changes or something else happens and there is actually a nursing shortage. Then maybe I can have that once a month luxury. Until then, being here with Lila is more important. But I sure miss using my cute pink stethoscope.