Merry Christmas

Christmas last year was a very emotional but wonderful time. I know it is a bit late for Christmas post, but there is a reason for my stalling so you will have to deal with it. The very unfortunate thing is our lack of record of the event. Todd has always spent most of his time video taping on Christmas Day, because one of his favorite Christmas traditions is to spend the evening of Christmas Eve watching old Christmas home videos. Well, the brand new Ipad I bought him for his birthday at the end of November just completely died. Gave out. Broke. The dude at the store told us there was nothing he could do to get the videos off before trading it in under the warranty. Todd had backed up everything else with occasional connections to his computer, but I guess the videos have to be saved manually, so none of them were saved. It is pretty tragic. So sorry I don't have much to share. But I do want to record a bit for our memories.

First of all, Todd dragged us all the way out to Philadelphia. I wasn't super excited to go, mostly because I had just flown out there twice recently and Lila is horrible on the plane and all the packing and stress and stuff. Also, it is nice to be home for the holidays. For Todd, that meant going to Philly. For me, that would have meant staying in Utah. But I love my in-laws and I knew it would mean a lot to everyone if we were together for the first Christmas without my father-in-law, Nick. So we booked the flights and packed our bags. (I hope no one is offended by my honesty here. I very much love Todd's side of the family and being with them.)

One of the things that happened when we got there is that I felt absolutely awful. I know it's cliche, but I really felt like I had been run over by a semi. I was exhausted, sick, got a lot of headaches, and wasn't in the mood to do very much. But I tried to be a good sport. One of the really fun things that we did was have a big party with some of the friends and neighbors of those that live there. Stephanie and Kelsey put most of it together, and I was very impressed with the results.  The only pictures I have are of the two food tables. Not sure why. But we also played minute to win it games and had a sweet photo -op with silly Christmas hats and such. Also, Todd and I made out big in the white elephant exchange with and Apples to Apples game and microfiber slipper mop things to wear on our wood floor. I usually end up with something like an ugly used handbag.

This picture stolen from my sister-in-law, Lisa's blog. Thanks.

We did some other fun things like a Christmas light scavenger hunt, eating lots of delicious food, watching those old home video's, and getting each other sick. It was funny because Stephanie posted about our treat stop after the Christmas light scavenger hunt. I remember looking at it and being embarrassed that I looked pregnant in it and being so sad that I wasn't. Now looking back I think it's funny because I don't think I looked pregnant but I really was. Hormones I guess.

Todd and I had a fight the Sunday before Christmas because he was sad that I wasn't participating much in the family activities. I was spending a lot of time napping and avoiding conversation I guess. He remembered that I didn't especially want to come in the first place and thought I was mad or didn't like his family or something. So I explained to him (in a not very nice way) that I was physically ill, that I wished I could be more involved, and the main reason I did want to come was to be with his family because they are so great. I know most people don't publicize their marital arguments, but I just think this one is funny since neither of us knew why I was so sick. Or why I was so ornery.

Well, a few more days went by and we did some food shopping for the many grand feastings and last minute Christmas gifting. We literally got all of Lila's presents from my mom's house before we came out. A few beanie babies and a doll my mom said she had had in a box forever and didn't know if she would ever use it. Luckily she also got some things from Grandma Itri and her cousins, so she was happy. Todd and I didn't get much since we spent money on getting out there. But I don't really care about presents much anymore, so it was fine. Anyway. Christmas Even we did watch some of the old Christmases but I think I slept through most of it. But I was glad Todd got to participate in his favorite Christmas tradition that we don't really get to do when we are out in Utah.

The other thing we did on Christmas Eve was the Nativity. It was very low-key as I think it should be, except when no one would be a wise man. I don't think people should be forced into doing these things or doing them perfectly, but we need characters! Luckily, Scott stepped up and filled in the role, and I joined him a minute later. So it all worked out in the end. Here is the one picture I have of Brian as King Herod (a great role for him to play), Seth and Reagan over on the left who shared the role of Joseph, Lila as the angel, and Crystal as the "after" Mary. Jensen is in the picture too, but wasn't so excited about dressing up as anything. I love that we did this because Lila is still putting scarves and blankets on her head and saying "I'm Mary!" So we have gotten to talk about Jesus and his mom for a long time after. Of course, remembering Jesus Christ is the most important part about Christmas. I have actually never done a nativity with my family, so this was a first-time experience for me. I was glad to do something to to really celebrate the Savior.

Christmas Day was fun. We actually did end up getting a lot more stuff than I had anticipated, and a few things that were wonderful to get. Todd's mom made all of her sons a blanket out of Nicks old shirts and ties, with sports themed fleece on the back. They are all so beautiful and meaningful and Todd uses his every day. Rob and Stephanie got us in the gift exchange and gave us a beautiful frame that says "When someone you love becomes a memory, the memory becomes a treasure." It has several pictures of Nick in it, including one from our wedding day. Todd and I both broke into tears when we opened it. There were a lot of other sweet moments as well. For sure in those moments I was so glad that we did end up coming out.

Here are a few pictures from Christmas morning. We opened presents with just my mother-in-law Margie, brothers-in-law Kyle, Brian, and Dan + Kelsey his wife. We don't really have any pictures of us because of the whole video thing. The one with Todd that is blurry and the one of the side of my head are the only pictures we have of me and Todd. We have a few more of Lila because she liked to get in the way when other people were opening presents, and helping Grandma Itri open her presents.

After morning presents, Scott, Lisa and family joined us for breakfast. Then we all went over to visit Nick's grave. It was a really sad but nice thing for us to do. It was nice for us all to have a chance to be there together. We definitely missed Nick the entire holiday season, both when we were in Utah and back in Philadelphia. There were some times when it was really hard to be without him. It was just comforting that we could all remember him together and that the family has all done such sweet things to help us all keep a part of him with us as we go throughout our lives.

After we got back to the house, I wanted to go take a nap. I was completely exhausted. Todd asked me to take a pregnancy test but I didn't want to waste my time with it. I was too tired and I was so bored of the constantly negative result I didn't want to deal with it. But he really wanted me to, so I peed in a cup and told him he could run a test if he wanted to. When he came in to wake me only 3 minutes later when I was already just about asleep, I was a little intrigued and probably annoyed. I don't remember what he said. I think it was something like "Is this what I think it is?" And lo and behold, there were two lines. I just rolled back over and started crying. Todd stayed and held me for a little while while we let the news sink in. This little kid will forever be remembered as our Christmas miracle. And he truly is.

We had prime rib for dinner that night, and I was glad that I like my meat well done so it didn't look suspicious that I wasn't eating the meat with everyone else. Kelsey was the only one eating well done with me, because she just had a baby last week (so was pregnant at the time). Todd was already getting paranoid about whether or not my food was cooked well enough. As a side note, he has seen me eat cookie dough a few times and didn't even say anything. When I was pregnant with Lila he once tried to pounce on me for licking a spoon from a cookie dough bowl.

So this post honestly has almost all the pictures we took while we were there. There were some other things we did, but I have no proof of them so my squishy pregnant mind has already forgotten. And I feel that I have a legitimate excuse for not remembering to take hardly any pictures.

In case anyone is wondering, I didn't tell anyone about our precious little addition until we had a confirmation ultrasound. I remained in disbelief that it could be real, plus I had no idea when my due date would be since my body doesn't go by the usual method of calculating. When we first saw him he was dancing for us. I assume because he was so happy to see us (even though he couldn't. We could only see him.) And he was very nice because in his joy he stretched his little legs out and gave us a measurement that put me two days further along than the first measurements did. This kid is already making my life easier. I think he will be a good little boy. I was 12 weeks, 2 days at the time of our first ultrasound. Which meant we could tell the world as soon as we wanted. Todd texted his family that day, and I told my family when we all got together that Sunday for dinner. Except that I called my grandparents to make sure they were coming (so I could tell them over the phone of they were not). Well at the end of our phone call Lila wanted to chat too. So I gave her the phone. The first thing she said was "I'm going to be a good big sister to our new baby!" Beans spilled.

And for those of you who read my last post, Lila now hugs my tummy in the morning and says "I love your baby boy." But she also asks frequently when I will have a baby girl.